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Truth Hurts: Engineering Reality & Why Winning Design Is Predestined

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December 1, 2025

Truth Hurts: Engineering Reality & Why Winning Design Is Predestined

In highly competitive design environments, outcomes are usually explained after the fact. Winners are celebrated as visionary. Losers are dismissed as inadequate, slow, or incompetent. As this year’s competitive season draws to a close and attention shifts toward the next cycle of extreme motorsport racing, much of what will determine future winners is already in place – packed in upstream design decisions made long before cars reach the track. By the time a design “wins,” however, most outcomes are already locked in. The decisive factors sit far upstream: architecture, efficiency envelopes, system integration, wiring architecture, algorithmic factors, manufacturability, and alignment with physical and economic constraints. Late optimisation rarely overturns early structural advantage. Winning design is not accidental; it is largely determined early.

This is not fatalism. It is engineering reality.

Advanced predictive and prescriptive analytics now make this explicit. Aerodynamics, energy efficiency, modern architectural integration, feature coherence, and production feasibility are modelled long before launch. Once a design trajectory is set, downstream performance becomes highly predictable. What appears as brilliance at launch is often simply the visible end of a long—determined path.

Once design is understood as a trajectory rather than a snapshot, competition takes on a different character.

Competition Beyond Performance

Competitive systems do more than reward winners. They also suppress trajectories perceived as threatening. This suppression is rarely overt. It often appears as process: extended testing, additional compliance layers, regulatory “clarifications,” standardisation requirements, funding delays, or strategic prioritisation or deprioritisation. These mechanisms are procedurally defensible and institutionally normal – yet they decisively shape which trajectories survive. Industrial studies of automotive competition show that industries do not merely select superior designs; they converge toward dominant paradigms and systematically terminate alternative trajectories before full maturation (Beyond Mass and Lean Production, Matthias Holweg, automotive manufacturing dynamics, 2009). This is not malice. It is how complex systems preserve stability.

Sabotage, in this sense, is rarely personal; it is treated as a necessary means of survival.

Terminated Production Trajectories in Automotive Design

Holweg documents how multiple technically viable automotive production and design paths were abandoned—not because they failed technically, but because they conflicted with prevailing cost structures, supplier ecosystems, or strategic hierarchies (Beyond Mass and Lean Production, Matthias Holweg, Cambridge manufacturing systems research, 2009). Several promising design philosophies were discontinued early because they threatened established production logics. Winning designs were those that aligned not only with performance goals, but with institutional readiness. The “losers” were often structurally incompatible – not inferior. This is trajectory suppression by alignment mismatch.

Trade Secrets and Information Asymmetry

In high—performance design environments, information is not merely advantage – it is trajectory control. The most valuable phase of a design is often the least visible: when architectural decisions are still fluid and easily neutralised or replicated. Premature exposure at this stage can collapse optionality entirely.

Motorsport provides a particularly clear lens. Cebula shows that in elite racing and performance engineering, secrecy regimes exist not out of paranoia, but necessity. Design details, manufacturing techniques, and process knowledge are deliberately obscured because the smallest informational asymmetry can decide outcomes long before competition begins (Trade Secrets for Race Car Engines, Richard Cebula, motorsport engineering and IP law, 2021).

One of the clearest illustrations of how trade secrets can decisively shape design trajectories occurred during the 2007 Formula One season, commonly referred to as “Spygate.” Prior to the season’s start, Ferrari chief mechanic Nigel Stepney; disgruntled after being passed over for promotion – shared extensive confidential Ferrari technical information with McLaren’s chief designer, Michael Coughlan. The material reportedly included detailed data on chassis design, aerodynamics, braking systems, and weight distribution. Although McLaren did not directly deploy Ferrari components, the mere possession of this information collapsed years of exploratory uncertainty into immediate design insight. The FIA ultimately fined McLaren $100 million and stripped the team of its Constructors’ Championship points, underscoring a structural truth: in elite design environments, access to another team’s architectural intent; even without direct copying can irreversibly alter competitive trajectories long before performance differences are visible on track (Trade Secrets for Race Car Engines, Richard Cebula, motorsport engineering and IP law, 2021).

Trade secrets protect runway. Leakage collapses trajectories.

Industrial Espionage and Design Neutralisation

The Degner–MZ–Suzuki case remains one of the clearest historical examples of trajectory transfer. Advanced two—stroke engine designs developed at MZ in East Germany were effectively transplanted to Suzuki, allowing Suzuki to dominate while MZ collapsed (Trade Secrets for Race Car Engines, Richard Cebula, historical motorsport case study, 2021). The design did not fail. The system carrying it did. Winning design survived; but under a different banner.

Winning vs. Flopped Design

Winning designs tend to share structural characteristics:
Architectural coherence
Efficiency aligned with physical constraints
Manufacturability at scale
Precision in anticipating trends, features, and user needs
Compatibility with existing standards without being derivative

Flopped designs, however, fall into two distinct categories.
Some are genuinely inferior: inefficient architectures, incoherent feature sets, or derivative “me–too” designs.
Others are disruptive in ways the ecosystem cannot absorb. These designs may be technically superior but require changes in standards, supply chains, regulatory interpretation, or institutional mindset. They are often labelled premature or incompatible; then quietly discontinued.

Not all superior designs fail. But many disruptive ones never survive long enough to prove themselves.

Pre–emptive Suppression Through “Testing” and “Resilience Loop”

Behavioural experiments show that competitive suppression does not require proven dominance. Individuals are willing to incur real costs to reduce others’ outcomes simply to prevent future disadvantage (Are People Willing to Pay to Reduce Others’ Incomes?, Zizzo & Oswald, experimental economics, 2001). High performers are targeted disproportionately; not for what they have achieved, but for what they might become. Sabotage is considered future–oriented. Anything that is seen as hindering one own’s survival and winning chance. This mirrors industrial behaviour: promising trajectories are subjected to repeated validation, scrutiny, and “resilience” checks that appear neutral but function as throttles. The language is fairness. The effect is delay.

Trajectory Sabotage
In some competitive design environments, protection of intellectual property goes beyond secrecy and extends into deliberate company self–limitation or self–sabotage. Teams and firms may intentionally under–deploy performance, obscure architectural intent, or delay the full expression of a design’s capabilities in order to prevent competitors from inferring the underlying trajectory. This form of strategic restraint accepts short–term inefficiency as the price of preserving long–term asymmetry and sure–winning, particularly where imitation or reverse engineering could neutralise an advantage. Rather than signalling weakness, such behaviour reflects an understanding that revealing too much, too early can collapse years of developmental lead into a single competitive cycle (Trade Secrets for Race Car Engines, Richard Cebula, 2021; Beyond Mass and Lean Production, Matthias Holweg, 2009).

Fierce Competition as a Normalised Condition
As competition intensifies, suppression mechanisms become normalised. Experimental evidence shows that sabotage persists even when costly, even when competition is illusory, and even when no reward is gained (Sabotaging Competitors, Both Real and Illusory, Engel & Simon, behavioural economics, 2025). This behaviour is not driven primarily by envy, but by perceived legitimacy and anticipatory retaliation. Once incumbents sense obsolescence; not just disadvantage, but structural irrelevance; the response escalates. Time is no longer the only perceived enemy. Rules, legitimacy, and outcomes themselves are questioned. Blame replaces adaptation. Suppression shifts from strategic to systemic, becoming the norm.

Engel and Simon show that sabotage is not an anomaly but an equilibrium response in competitive systems. Actors sabotage even when competitors are imaginary, costs are explicit, and gains are absent. The act restores psychological and positional stability; not efficiency (Sabotaging Competitors, Both Real and Illusory, Engel & Simon, 2025).

Translated to design ecosystems, systems accept inefficiency to preserve hierarchy.

Winning design will always win; not because the world is fair, but because outcomes are structurally predetermined. Some asymmetries are non–negotiable. Complaints of unfairness arise when dominance replaces competition, much as gravity feels unjust only after one has already fallen. Superior design exerts influence the way the sun does: not by permission, but by feature superiority, and uncalculated structure. For those on the losing end, there is limited value in revisiting what have left you, or speculating on alternative what ifs. Once structural constraints and design limits become clear, the most constructive response is neither resentment nor denial, but accurate diagnosis and better predictive system; often original features. Recognising that a particular architecture has reached its viable endpoint enables resources, talent, and attention to be reallocated toward new design spaces rather than remaining locked into legacy paths. In systems governed by constraints, phase shifts, and irreversible decisions, progress rarely comes from attempting to resurrect obsolete configurations or the past; it comes from accepting closure, decoupling from past architectures, and moving forward with clearer parameters and new opportunities.

References

Beyond Mass and Lean Production: On the Dynamics of Competition in the Automotive Industry, Matthias Holweg, Cambridge manufacturing systems research, 2009

Trade Secrets for Race Car Engines, Richard Cebula, motorsport engineering and IP law, 2021

Sabotaging Competitors, Both Real and Illusory, Christoph Engel & Sabine Simon, behavioural economics experiments, 2025

Are People Willing to Pay to Reduce Others’ Incomes?, Daniel Zizzo & Andrew Oswald, experimental economics, 2001

Looking young and career

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October 21, 2025

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Looking like a teenager who has accidentally wandered into the office can make or break your career. Should we want to look youthful – or does it come with a cost?

It was 4 April 1911: William F Murray’s first day at work. He had been sworn in to the 62nd United States Congress, and was ready to embark on an illustrious career in politics. There was just one problem. Murray was 29 years old, making him the youngest representative at the time. He had been endowed with unusually boyish features, and styled his hair with a neat side parting – kind of like he was posing for a school photo. Next to his greying, pot-bellied colleagues, it would be fair to say that he didn’t really look the part. That same day, the chairman barked an order at him to fetch a book, after mistaking him for one of their House Pages – a role usually fulfilled by secondary-school students. “All right, Bill,” said Murray, “but the next time kindly address me as ‘the member from Massachusetts’.” In almost every other area of life, looking young is highly coveted – by 2022, the anti-ageing industry is projected to be worth an estimated $260bn (£188bn), with some individuals now spending more on rejuvenating skincare each month than their mortgage.

But in the office, it’s a different story. There isn’t currently any data on exactly how many people are negatively affected by their youthful appearance each year – but the internet is awash with harrowing anecdotes about embarrassments and misunderstandings. There’s the teacher who was loudly accused of being in the staff room without permission, and even asked for ID; the brewery worker mistaken for a “little girl” by a customer; and the many, many doctors assailed on a daily basis by alarmed patients observing “you look so young!”. In fact, there’s mounting evidence that appearing younger than your age isn’t just inconvenient – it can have a radical impact on the way your competence is viewed, and even determine the kind of job you do in the first place. From nudging younger-looking people into more caring roles to not-so-subtly policing whether you’re considered suitable for public office, studies suggest that this invisible factor can make or break careers.

Too cute?
There are several underlying reasons people might feel that they’re judged to be younger than their years: you might be petite or have a short stature, or style yourself in fashionable clothes, for example. But the best-studied route is having a baby face. The “babyface overgeneralisation effect” was first discovered in the 1980s, and occurs when possessing babyish facial features leads people to assume that you have corresponding personality traits. “[The babyface] is really an overall constellation of features,” says Leslie Zebrowitz, Professor Emerita of Social Relations at Brandeis University, US, who co-discovered the phenomenon. She explains that this usually includes a flat, round face, small jaw, button nose and wide doe-eyes, while more mature-looking individuals generally have smaller eyes, more angular cheekbones, larger noses and stronger brow-ridges. It’s well-established that people with baby faces look young because they literally remind people of babies. Oddly, the effect applies no matter how old you actually are – or whether you have the plump, airbrushed skin of a model in a moisturiser advert or the slightly more weather-beaten visage of a lifelong sunworshipper. The facial structure of baby-faced people means they usually look young relative to others in the same age group, meaning that the associations this appearance comes with can still have an impact well into middle age and later life.

Baby-faced people are seen as having less “personal control” than others in young and middle adulthood, along with people who are considered unattractive or overweight. There are some upsides to reminding people of a cute baby – the babyface effect is thought to elicit the same protective behaviors that help us shelter these vulnerable members of society, so you’re automatically assumed to be warm, trustworthy and kind. As you’d expect, babyfaces are ubiquitous in children’s cartoons, characters in adverts, sports mascots and cuddly dog breeds – particularly pugs.

Baby-faced people are also more likely to be found in certain jobs. In one study, they were more likely to be considered for a teaching position at a day-care centre that explicitly required candidates to be warm and submissive. The tie into success. Baby-faced people have easier lives in many ways: they’re widely thought of as more attractive, even in demographics as distinct as Aché hunter-gatherers from Paraguay and university students from Russia. But they’re also expected to be lacking in certain traits that can be essential for career progression, or working in some professions entirely. For example, the same research that identified the bias in favour of baby-faced applicants for teaching positions also found that mature-looking people were generally preferred for the position of director, which called for dominance and the ability to make harsh decisions. Perhaps as a result, people who look young for their age tend to have lower-status jobs instead which lack this kind of authority. This might be because baby-faced people are seen as having less “personal control” – defined as competence, mastery or the ability to enact their goals – than others in young and middle adulthood, along with people who are considered unattractive or overweight.

Not only are people who look older more likely to be considered for high-status managerial roles, they’re also deemed to be more suitable for jobs requiring a higher level of educational attainment. “So, mature-faced people have similar outcomes in the job market to high achievers,” says Zebrowitz. In one study, men deemed to have a baby face were most likely to have jobs as childcare workers, elementary school teachers, teacher aides and members of the clergy, and least likely to be judges, truck drivers, policemen and foremen. For women, the most common careers were similar; elementary school teachers, kindergarten teachers, teaching aides and nursing aides, while those who were more mature-looking tended to hold jobs as computer systems analysts, law teachers, athletes and foremen. The effect is found among politicians as well as the leaders of Fortune 500 companies; the latter generally have more dominant facial features than the general population or people in other high-status jobs, such as professors. This appears to be based on pure perception, because companies with CEOs that look the part are not more likely to do better than others.

However, there are exceptions. Surprisingly, black men heading companies at the same level are more likely to have baby-faced features. One idea is that this is down to implicit racism, which means that black men are generally seen as threatening, so having a baby face is an advantage because it softens these impressions. Men deemed to have a baby face were most likely to have jobs as childcare workers, elementary school teachers, teacher aides and members of the clergy. Other research has established that, consistent with the stereotype of baby-faced people being warm and trustworthy, the CEOs of non-profit charities are more likely to have this type of face. On average, the ones with more powerful-looking CEOs raise less money.

In the real world, the contrasting treatment of young-looking workers often ties in with how people are treated based on their actual age. Younger workers might be criticised more than older ones, belittled using derogatory language – such as describing them as a “young whippersnapper” – paid less than older colleagues for the same role, overlooked for promotion or unfairly dismissed. In fact, while Western society has a well-documented culture of fetishising youth and marginalising the elderly, ageism against younger workers is increasingly being recognised. The 2019 Diversity & Inclusion Study by the job-search website Glassdoor found that, in the UK, 18-to-34 year olds are almost twice as likely to report being discriminated against based on their age than older groups.

In the UK, there are some legal protections against age-related bias, regardless of whether it’s based on your actual age or the perception of it – known as “discrimination by perception”. Meanwhile in the US, there is currently no specific law to prevent prejudice on the basis of facial appearance, though there has been some debate about how this could be implemented. As early as 1987, a Harvard Law Review article proposed that the existing legislation should be modified to prevent discrimination due to “the largely immutable aspects of bodily and facial appearance”. As with other forms of bias, it’s possible that people from certain racial backgrounds may be more at risk. It’s been suggested that part of the reason Asian people stereotypically look young for their age might be because baby-faced traits are more common in this group. However, there are a couple of things young-looking people can do to adjust the way they’re seen in the workplace. The most obvious option is to change your appearance. Research has shown that 20-something women look older when they wear makeup – though surprisingly, this is not true for older age groups – and adding makeup, trousers and jewellery can boost how competent a woman seems as a leader. On the other hand, people view men with beards as older and higher status than those who are clean-shaven. They’re also generally seen as more capable.

The question is, do you want to alter how you look, to overcome the irrational biases of other people? As it happens, there is an alternative. Nicola Simpson, an executive career coach based in London, says she regularly encounters this issue – but she’s not always convinced that how her clients look is actually the underlying issue. “This comes up quite often when clients come to a coaching session lacking in confidence and feeling a sense of imposter syndrome,” she says. In Simpson’s experience, people can struggle with perceptions of how young they look in any profession, though it’s slightly more common among management consultants and people in leadership roles. “Maybe they’re at a point in their career where they want to convey leadership and gravitas, and they feel that they look young for their years – and that this is being held against them,” says Simpson, “but equally they’re often feeling ‘maybe I am too young to be in a managerial position’.”

To overcome this, Simpson tries to help her clients with what is within their control. Rather than dwelling on how the outside world views them, she tends to focus on helping them to understand where their anxieties are coming from. “Our conversations are more about what they could do to feel more confident – bringing in tools to reframe their thinking into something that’s much more positive and supportive.” Simpson suggests trying to be aware of when you’ve been triggered by fears about how you’re perceived, and consciously shifting your thoughts to a more positive outlook. If you project confidence, you’ll automatically seem more competent – regardless of what biases are really at work in the minds of your colleagues.

Source : BBC

Six Works with Theme of Societal Engineering

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October 19, 2025

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Six Works with Theme of Societal Engineering

A century after Yevgeny Zamyatin released We in 1924, the literature of controlled societies reads less like speculation and more like documentation. Across time, authors have studied how populations can be guided toward collective obedience without open violence. The methods have varied – chemical, architectural, mechanical – but the objective remains consistent: stability through predictability.

The following six works provide a cross-section of that pursuit. Each outlines a system for maintaining order through design. Their details differ, yet the mechanisms align with instruments of modern life; regulated environments, convenience technologies, and tranquilliser suppression.

We (Yevgeny Zamyatin, 1924)

The One State operates on mathematics. Every citizen lives in a glass apartment where curtains are permitted only for state-approved activities. Names have been replaced by serial numbers; privacy has been redesigned out of existence.

Mechanism: The regime’s principal device is the Great Operation, a surgical-chemical procedure that removes imagination by targeting brain centres associated with emotional spontaneity. Those who undergo it describe a calm absence of conflict. Behaviour is also managed through the Table of Hours a schedule dictating every movement of the day. Group marches, state music, and collective recitations create synchronised emotion. Transparent walls perform continuous surveillance, removing the need for enforcement.

Observation: Zamyatin’s society achieves obedience by narrowing consciousness. Once fantasy is excised, compliance becomes physiology, not ideology.

Brave New World (Aldous Huxley, 1932)

Huxley’s World State is maintained by laboratories, slogans, and good chemistry. Humans are produced on assembly lines, assigned to castes before birth, and conditioned to enjoy their predestined labour.

Mechanism: The Bokanovsky Process multiplies embryos to create uniform groups – eighty or more copies of a single genetic source – ensuring social homogeneity. The Neo-Pavlovian Conditioning Centre shapes infant reflexes through electric shocks and auditory stimuli, establishing lifelong preferences and aversions. The population’s emotional equilibrium depends on “soma”, a synthetic drug dispensed like a national vitamin. One half-gramme calms mild irritation; two induce cheerful detachment; three erase grief. The dosage chart functions as moral arithmetic: the right chemical level equals the right civic attitude. Continuous entertainment supports the pharmacology. “Feelies”, films enhanced with tactile and olfactory effects, occupy attention, preventing reflective thought.

Observation: Huxley’s innovation is compliance through pleasure. Coercion is unnecessary when contentment is industrially supplied. Citizens are tranquil not by rule but by ratio.

The Machine Stops (E. M. Forster, 1909)

Forster imagined networked isolation long before the internet. Humanity has retreated underground; each person lives in a hexagonal cell, communicating via screens while the Machine provides air, light, and sustenance.

Mechanism: Environmental sedation replaces discipline. Air is perfumed, temperature constant, and the hum of machinery continuous. The Machine dictates sleeping hours, nutrient intake, and intellectual exchange through its terminals. Curiosity is pathologised. Direct exploration of the surface is considered an act of disloyalty. The population’s dependence on environmental control is total: to question the Machine is to question survival itself.

Observation: Obedience here arises from comfort. When infrastructure anticipates every need, independent thought is redundant. The calm is infrastructural rather than psychological.

High-Rise (J. G. Ballard, 1975)

A modern apartment tower becomes a self-contained civilisation. With supermarkets, schools, and pools stacked vertically, residents no longer require the city beyond their walls.

Mechanism: The building’s “design logic” enforces hierarchy: lower floors house families; upper floors professionals and executives. Access to amenities increases with elevation, aligning geography with social status. Centralised air-conditioning maintains identical climate throughout the structure. Continuous power, soundproofing, and elevators create frictionless movement and sensory insulation. As minor faults accumulate – flickering lights, power fluctuations – residents internalise aggression but remain within the tower, unwilling to abandon convenience.

Observation: Ballard converts architecture into a psychological agent. The building conditions its occupants through ease; the absence of external reference breeds compliance until decay becomes the new equilibrium.

The Stepford Wives (Ira Levin, 1972)

In Stepford, Connecticut, the lawns are perfect and the wives are identical. Their voices are soft, their smiles fixed, their kitchens immaculate. The uniformity is the result of replacement, not reform.

Mechanism: The Men’s Association has developed a process for substituting human partners with mechanical replicas. Each replica reproduces the subject’s physical appearance but is programmed for unwavering docility and domestic efficiency. Maintenance occurs discreetly. The artificial wives never age, argue, or fatigue. Emotional interaction is automated through scripted empathy responses, ensuring perpetual harmony within the home.

Observation: Levin’s method is literal engineering of behaviour through technology. The emotional economy of marriage becomes a closed circuit of performance, erasing unpredictability by redesigning the participant.

The Giver (Lois Lowry, 1993)

Lowry’s community has abolished pain, colour, and memory. Every individual follows precise routines; deviation is addressed by medication or “release,” a euphemism for euthanasia.

Mechanism: Daily pills suppress hormonal development and emotional intensity. Genetic standardisation eliminates variation in skin tone and sensory perception. Climate and light are permanently moderated to remove discomfort. Language functions as a regulatory tool: emotional words have been replaced with controlled vocabulary: “upset” instead of “angry,” “release” instead of “death.” Collective memory of the pre-controlled era is stored in one individual, the Receiver, isolating history as a single point of containment.

Observation: Sedation here is both biochemical and linguistic. By narrowing vocabulary and chemical range, the system prevents even the conception of unrest.

The novels above describe total systems although the outcome differs in scale, with a goal: stability through enforced order. From Zamyatin’s glass apartments to Lowry’s pale households, the century’s literature of societal engineering traces a single equation: order equals tranquillity divided by variability. The transition runs from external enforcement to internal automation. Control begins as a surgical, chemical or closeted intervention and ends as environment, routine, or language. Once embedded in daily function, obedience no longer requires enforcement; it sustains itself. Each mechanism mirrors common innocent arrangements. Mood stabilisers, substances, drugs and stimulants manage productivity and or elimination curves; climate-controlled offices regulate temperature and attention; automated assistants preempt decision-making; curated feeds narrow perception. The resemblance is structural rather than conspiratorial. Whether achieved through drugs, architecture, or syntax, the objective is for constant order.

How to get over heartbreak: 12 tips to mend your broken heart

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October 12, 2025

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How to get over heartbreak: 12 tips to mend your broken heart

Suffering from a broken heart and not sure how to cope? When a relationship ends – it hurts. In fact, scientific research shows a broken heart can cause physical pain, not just emotional trauma. A 2011 study found that people had similar brain activity when they viewed a photo of a former partner to when they sustained a burn to the arm.
Heartbreak is something that many of us go through at some point in our lives, but this makes it no less distressing. So if you’re reeling from a relationship break down and don’t know where to turn, rest assured that you are not alone.

But why does heart break hurt so bad and is it possible to speed up the recovery process? We spoke to both Dr Natasha Bijlani, a consultant psychiatrist and Lucy Beresford, psychotherapist, TEDx speaker, Agony Aunt for ITV’s This Morning and author of Happy Relationships for the psychology behind heartbreak and the 12 key steps to recovery:
Why do we experience heartbreak? Heartbreak most often occurs when a relationship ends, but it doesn’t matter whether you initiated the break-up or were callously cast aside – either way, it can be both mentally and physically painful.

‘Whether you are the person ending the relationship or not, the event usually has a psychological as well as sometimes a physical impact,’ says Beresford. ‘The different stages to heartbreak are thought to be similar to those found in grief after bereavement – which makes sense, given that heartbreak is about an ending.’

‘Heartbreak is not actually a medical diagnosis but it refers to the intense emotional and often physical reaction one feels following loss, accompanied by a deep longing for whatever it is that has been lost,’ adds Dr Bijlani. ‘The loss could be due to bereavement, loss of a relationship such as following divorce or separation, or even to disappointment following inability to achieve something you may have aspired to and worked very hard for.’

The 6 stages of heartbreak. Heartbreak is a deeply personal process, but there tends to be six key stages on the road to recovery. ‘The different stages of heartbreak are similar to those of grief and include denial, anger, depression and eventually acceptance,’ says Dr Bijlani. Beresford agrees, outlining the six different stages of heartbreak as the following:

Pain: after the numbness of the shock wears off, you might have actual pain around the heart or solar plexus area.

Anger: this is where the pain gets turned outwards and you can find yourself angry at everyone and everything: your loved one, your friends, the world, your faith if you have one, even the parking ticket attendant. The anger stems from your life not progressing as you wanted it to and is an appropriate stage of heartbreak. If you do find yourself taking it out on the poor parking ticket attendant, have a few sentences up your sleeve in apology… most people will understand.

Depression: turning in on yourself and withdrawing from the world for a while is an important part of the healing process. It’s about licking your wounds, sometimes with the support of a confidante or counsellor, and preparing yourself for the next stage – even though at the time you might feel like there will never be a next stage. This sadness can be all-consuming, but for a while, that’s okay.

Renewal: this is where you start to make tentative steps back into the outside world, the sadness reduces and you start to feel less preoccupied by your previous relationship.

Rebuilding: this stage sees you acquire the strength to take on tasks you once did as a couple, or attend to practical matters that perhaps your partner took care of. You might also start socialising again gently, with people who want the best for you. This is the time to start processing the relationship, perhaps acknowledging what went wrong, or what you might have missed, as well as examining your part in the break-up.

Acceptance: this is where the break-up is now part of your history but something you can accept. In fact you might be heading towards believing it was the best thing that happened because of the newer you that you are now. You can envisage finding someone new, rather than holding yourself back.

The science behind heartbreak
Studies show that your brain registers and processes the emotional pain of heartbreak in the same way as it does physical pain. That’s why it hurts so much. Hormones also have a huge part to play. When we’re in love, we have elevated levels of dopamine and oxytocin – both of which make us feel good. When heartbreak happens, we not only suffer withdrawal symptoms, but these chemicals are replaced with the stress hormone cortisol. Over time this can contribute to anxiety and nausea.

‘Physical symptoms of withdrawal might be similar to those of drug withdrawal,’ explains Dr Bijlani. ‘If the symptoms don’t improve with time and remain untreated, this can lead to further adverse health consequences.’

‘Some people speak of actual physical pain, in the heart (hence the term) or in their gut, while others suffer disturbed sleep or eating patterns,’ says Beresford. ‘There were even cases in Japan in the 1990s of people being rushed to hospital with symptoms similar to a heart attack, having experienced changes in heart functioning following a relationship break-up.’

‘This is why it is very important to take heartbreak seriously, and to watch what kind of coping mechanisms are used,’ she warns. ‘Some people stop eating out of sadness or shame, others use drugs or alcohol to numb the pain.’

12 steps to mend your broken heart
There’s no guaranteed cure for heartbreak, but there are a few steps you can take to ease the pain. Different people recover in different ways, but the one medication that everyone needs is time. In the meantime, the following 12 heartbreak recovery tips may help:

Acknowledge your feelings
If you’ve recently been rejected your ego will take a hit, so your first instinct may be to put a brave face on it and pretend you are fine. But failure to acknowledge your true feelings can prolong or even exacerbate your pain. If your heart has been broken, admit it and face your heartbreak head on. ‘I would suggest the first step would be to allow yourself time to wallow and experience sadness, unhappiness and grief,’ says Dr Bijlani. ‘It’s far better to acknowledge how you’re feeling rather than bottle it up and pretend, to yourself as well as the world, that everything is fine,’ adds Beresford.
Write it down
If you aren’t a natural sharer or you’re not ready to talk, try putting your thoughts and feelings down on paper. ‘Some people find it helpful to write down their feelings,’ says Dr Bijlani. Putting pen to paper can clarify your thoughts, and if your mind is muddled and confused by your recent heartache, journaling also frees up mental space. What’s more, creating a record of your feelings can help you look back and see how far you’ve come.
Think logically
When you go through a breakup it’s common to automatically assume you were rejected because you are in some way not worthy of your exes affections. Many people suddenly assume they must not be pretty enough, or clever enough, or don’t drive the right car, and start to doubt themselves. But if your ex liked you enough to date you in the first place, why would they suddenly decide you are now unworthy of love? Logically this makes no sense, and the most likely conclusion is that they are the ones who have changed – not you! So don’t try to change and don’t stop being the same old fabulous you.
Show compassion for yourself
When we’re in emotional pain we tend to turn the pain inwards and hurt ourselves even more. In order to numb the sadness we stop eating, stop sleeping, start drinking, and more often than not make the pain so much worse. This perpetuates a negative cycle as partying too hard, not eating properly and not getting enough sleep can all seriously impact your mental health and will invariably make you feel worse.
To counteract this, make a concerted effort to treat yourself the way you wish a loving partner would treat you: with love, kindness and respect. Imagine your heartbreak is a real illness like the flu, and take extra care to mend and get better. ‘Treat yourself, gets lots of sleep where you can, and eat as healthily as possible,’ says Beresford.
Keep your distance from your ex
If you’ve been dumped out of the blue or you simply have unanswered questions about your relationship, you might be feeling like you’re left hanging and want some answers. Also it’s normal to miss your ex and wonder what they’re doing now. But none of this will help you move on, so resist the urge to remain friends and give your ex a really wide berth for as long as possible.
‘Unfriend your former partner from social media and try to distance yourself from them at least until you have been able to deal with your grief,’ says Dr Bijlani. Further down the line you might be able to salvage a friendship, but right now in the heat of the moment seeing your ex online or in real life will either give you false hope or increase your heartache, so block them from all social media sites, delete their number and focus on yourself.
Surround yourself with good people
If you had a broken leg and you couldn’t walk, you’d want to be around people who make you smile and cheer you up, and heartbreak is just the same. Surround yourself with positive energy and your spirits will begin to lift. It’s a good idea to spend time with ‘people who want the best for you – people who can rally round or leave you alone as you wish,’ says Beresford.
‘It is also often helpful to talk to trusted, close friends about your emotions,’ agrees Dr Bijlani. However, steer clear of anyone with close ties to your ex. You’re in recovery mode and preparing to step into your bold new life, and anyone who reminds you of the past could prevent you from moving on.
Get busy
Is your mind buzzing with unanswered questions and lingering over the past? While it can initially help to wallow in heartache, you can’t stay in your pit forever. The best way to get out of your head is to keep busy! Take up a new fitness class, join a gym, meet up with an old friend, or start training for a marathon. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you’re busy. ‘Distraction is a helpful and effective strategy and will help you recover sooner,’ explains Dr Bijlani. ‘Try not to let this dominate your life, and attempt to return back to your normal daily functioning as soon as possible.’
Create a support network
At the end of a relationship it’s normal to feel lonely and sad. But no man or woman is an island, so either call on your existing crew or create a new support network of trusted friends you can rely on. If you don’t have anyone in your inner circle that you feel comfortable confiding in, attend a support group for likeminded people where you can share your thoughts and feelings. Visit Mentalhealth-uk.org to find support groups in your area. And you never know, you might make a whole new circle of interesting friends.
Consider the pros and cons
If you’re fresh out of a relationship and feeling raw, it’s all too easy to put your ex on a pedestal and imagine they were Mr or Mrs Perfect. But chances are they were normal and human and had plenty of flaws. Write down a list of all the things about them that didn’t fit, and see how you feel.
‘In the initial stages of heartbreak, remind yourself of the negative aspects of your ex, rather than idolising them by only reminiscing about their positive attributes,’ says Dr Bijlani. ‘Later on, you might find it helpful to analyse what you liked about them in the first place and whether it would be possible to find such qualities in a future partner.’
Seek professional help
If you’re struggling to get out of bed and your heart is weighed down with grief, remember: heartbreak is serious, so don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. A mental health professional can help you develop coping mechanisms and provide tools to cope with your heartache, which will not only ease your immediate pain, but can help you to build strength and fortitude for anything life throws at you in the future.
‘If you find yourself repeatedly being subjected to heartbreak,’ says Dr Bijlani, ‘you might find it helpful to see an experienced and properly qualified psychotherapist who could help you address and change possible emotional and behaviour patterns that could be contributing to your seeking unhealthy relationships.’ Ask your GP for advice or visit Rethink.org.
Get some exercise
It may sound simple and quite possibly the last thing you want to do right now, but exercising in the fresh air can work wonders for your mood and distract you from your heartache in the process. Getting your sweat on can also improve your physical health which will in turn lead to improved body confidence. What’s more research shows that exercise reduces anxiety, depression, and negative mood, so what have you got to lose?
Start dating
There’s an old saying that goes the best way to get an ex off your mind is another one on your body! While we don’t advocate casual sex immediately after a breakup, making new friends and meeting new people can work as a great distraction from your heartache. So sign up to dating apps, join that running club and accept those dinner party invitations! Throw yourself back into the mix and you never know who you might meet.
Can you prevent heartbreak?
Sadly, no one is immune from getting their heart broken. But however much it hurts, this may not be a bad thing.
‘There is an argument to say that avoiding heartbreak is counter-productive,’ explains Beresford. ‘Not only can a fear of heartbreak prevent you from meeting new people or throwing yourself into new situations, it can also stunt your emotional growth. Surviving loss or endings or coping with rejection are important life skills to acquire, and they help you develop resilience.
‘Many people who have endured deep and painful heartbreak later say that it was the best thing to have happened to them, because it taught them that they were stronger than they realised, it showed them who their friends are, and it gave them the courage to push further in life, making it ultimately more fulfilling.’
Having said that, you may be able to avoid multiple heart breaks if you learn to see relationship red flags and act on them sooner rather than later.
‘There are however some tips to swerve heartbreak by waking up in time to the fact that maybe this relationship does not require your investment,’ says Beresford. ‘Signals such as having deeper feelings for your partner than they have for you, putting up with negativity or unhealthy behaviour in a partner, and making sure you keep your friendship circle alive during a relationship will hopefully mean you won’t feel abandoned if the relationship ends.’

Source: Yahoo Life

Mariah Carey Headlines With Confidence and Timeless Hits

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September 18, 2025

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Mariah Carey Headlines With Confidence and Timeless Hits

Mariah Carey, after years of anticipation, took to the stage at Brighton Pride’s headline event, Pride in the Park, on Saturday, August 2. The global pop icon, whose original 2020 appearance was cancelled due to the pandemic, was the main draw for thousands who packed into Preston Park under clear summer skies. Her 90-minute set struck a balance between enduring ballads and uptempo fan favourites. Carey opened with Make It Happen and Dreamlover, immediately energising the park. She moved seamlessly through Hero and Without You, both drawing a quiet but intense singalong from the crowd. Later, she delivered a series of upbeat crowd-pleasers including Fantasy, Emotions, and Always Be My Baby, which had many singing along from the grass banks and dance zones alike.

Carey’s Obsessed drew a mixed reaction and her follow-up, I Know What You Want, quickly pulled attention back to the stage. The set wasn’t complete without a standout rendition of We Belong Together, which held the crowd in place even as temperatures dipped slightly into the evening. Midway through the show, she debuted her latest single, Sugar Sweet – a breezy, R&B-tinged track released just weeks before Pride. The song, featuring Kehlani and Shenseea, injected a summery lift into the set, offering a glimpse of the dynamic on her upcoming album. Backed by soft visuals and her signature whistle tones, it slotted naturally between her better-known tracks. Vocally, she was in form throughout. Her falsetto remained clear, the high notes landed, and her delivery carried the ease of a seasoned performer. The set wasn’t flashy, but it was confident and consistent.

Earlier in the afternoon, veteran disco act Sister Sledge brought an entirely different energy. Taking the stage as one of the day’s first major acts, the group delivered a tight set of hits including Frankie, Lost in Music, and We Are Family to a responsive and upbeat crowd. Their set helped define the tone for the day: light, familiar, and inclusive.

Photos: HersToday/Brighton Pride 2025

Saturday’s line-up at Preston Park reflected Brighton Pride’s trademark diversity. Up-and-coming pop act Slayyyter took the stage in the mid-afternoon, delivering a sharp, high-energy set. Ashnikko followed with her own brand of glitch-pop and visual theatrics, while Confidence Man delivered one of the day’s most dynamic performances. Their early evening set combined choreographed dance, synth-heavy production, and crowd interaction that extended all the way to the back of the park. By the time Eurovision winner Loreen took the stage next, the crowd was fully buzzing with energy. Her set featured Euphoria and other tracks from her catalogue, backed by moody staging and a strong vocal showing.

The festival area began filling steadily from midday, with footfall peaking around 7 PM as main stage headliners approached. Despite the high turnout, entry remained smooth. Queueing at gates was minimal, and stewards helped maintain a steady flow between viewing zones, food stalls, toilets, and bar areas. Accessibility services appeared well-coordinated, and volunteers were consistently visible across the site. The atmosphere across the park was hyped but measured. Groups sat together on blankets; others danced freely around the main stage. Many attendees cited Carey’s headline slot as the main reason they chose to attend this year’s Brighton Pride, while others praised the diversity of acts, smooth entry, and well-managed facilities.

Brighton Pride continues on Sunday, August 3, with a second day of live performances at Preston Park. Headliners include Sugababes, Will Young, and Natalie Imbruglia, alongside a full schedule of acts across the dance and cabaret stages.

Sugababes Light Up Ravishing Finale

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September 17, 2025

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Brighton Pride 2025 concluded in dazzling style at Preston Park on Sunday, August 3, as reunited pop icons Sugababes delivered a triumphant headline set that brought the weekend to a euphoric close. Their hour-long performance capped off a second day packed with seasoned chart royalty, fast-rising queer talent, and acts that understood exactly what the moment demanded. For the tens of thousands gathered on the lawn, the final notes of “About You Now” were more than a closing number – they were an affirmation.

Sugababes, in their original and most beloved lineup of Mutya Buena, Keisha Buchanan, and Siobhan Donaghy, were visibly elated to be sharing the same main stage as Mariah Carey the night before. Their set was a celebration not only of their own legacy but of pop music’s power to transform and transport. From the opening beat of Overload and In The Middle, to the pulse of Round Round and Too Lost In You , every moment was sharpened with energy and intent. The group seamlessly navigated their extensive catalogue, mixing chart-toppers with ballads and teasing a new single, Shook, that felt fully rooted in their evolved dynamic. Contrary to old tabloid-driven narratives of infighting and backstage tension, what unfolded on Sunday was a display of genuine sisterhood. They moved as one, exchanging knowing glances, laughing between verses, and offering praise that felt spontaneous, not rehearsed. The chemistry was real – complementing and complimenting one another in equal measure. Their harmonies were tight, their dance breaks loose and infectious, and the crowd was with them every beat of the way.

Earlier in the evening, Will Young brought warmth, wit, and vocal finesse to his 5 PM slot. Dressed simply but commanding attention, he opened with Love Revolution before spinning through a catalogue that bridged the early 2000s to the now. His acoustic rework of Daniel (a Bat for Lashes cover) added a haunting moment of reflection, before picking up tempo again with Switch It On and the crowd-favourite Leave Right Now. Known for moments of cheeky unpredictability, Young broke from protocol to walk into the crowd during All Time Love, shaking hands, giving hugs, and reminding fans why he remains such a staple of UK pop.

Photo: HersToday/Brighton Pride 2025

Just before Will, Natalie Imbruglia took to the stage in a pastel floral, Marques’Almeida midi dress that became a symbol in itself – age-defying, elegant, and tongue-in-cheek. “I’m 50, deal with it,” she teased early on, but her voice was anything but tentative. Shiver had the crowd swaying in rhythm, Wishing I Was There landed with poignant precision, and her take on Chappell Roan’s Red Wine Supernova earned surprised approval. Unsurprisingly, Torn brought mass singalong energy, but it was Big Mistake that closed the set on a punchy, rock-infused note – evidence that she’s not just coasting on nostalgia.

Photo: HersToday/Brighton Pride 2025

The afternoon saw strong sets from a vibrant and varied performances. Queer pop newcomers Lyvia and Nxdia pulled solid crowds in the early heat, while Andy Bell of Erasure delivered synth-pop with emotional sincerity during the 6 PM slot. The False Idols Ceremony that followed was a bold, performance-art-infused pause in the programme -somewhere between drag spectacle, protest theatre, and sacred rite. Meanwhile, over in the other tent, Fatboy Slim proved he’s still the master of the party. His hour-long set was relentless in rhythm, turning a shaded corner of Preston Park into a full-blown dance temple. It was less about headliners versus side acts and more about synergy – every performance held space, stirred identity, and pushed the atmosphere higher. And yet, as the sun dipped and the lights shifted for the final act, it became clear that Sunday belonged to the Sugababes.

There was something operatic about the arc of the weekend. Mariah may have brought the heavenly registers and velvet polish, but Sugababes brought blood, sweat, and eyeliner. Their presence didn’t just signal a reunion – it marked a reclamation. If Saturday felt cinematic, Sunday had grit under its nails. And here’s the twist: Brighton Pride doesn’t pretend to be perfect, and that’s precisely its power. The glitter doesn’t hide the grit. The sequins don’t drown out the politics. What this final day showed – between Sugababes’ off-script affection, Will Young’s fan embrace, and Natalie’s full-volume self-acceptance – is that the UK’s loudest Pride is also its most human. Camp, yes. Chaotic, sometimes. But real.

This wasn’t about perfect choreography or seamless transformations. It was about the roar that erupted – rage, ravished – when About You Now reached its final chorus. A track that, despite its glossy production, landed with raw, collective longing and emotion. It was about the unspoken understanding when a stranger offered their flag as shade; about people of all ages, bodies, sexualities, and pronouns lifting their voices not just in nostalgia, but in shared defiance. Brighton Pride’s final notes weren’t a fade-out nor erasure – they were a rallying protest, Pride-style: We matter. We are here. Live with it.

2025 U.S. Open: Alcaraz and Sabalenka close the season’s final major

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September 9, 2025

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2025 U.S. Open: Alcaraz and Sabalenka close the season’s final major

The 2025 U.S. Open ended with familiar names on top and a clear sense of separation at the front of both tours. At Flushing Meadows, Carlos Alcaraz won the men’s title and returned to world No. 1, while Aryna Sabalenka defended the women’s title to confirm her standing as the leading hard-court player in the women’s game.

Men’s singles: Alcaraz regains control

Alcaraz defeated Jannik Sinner 6-1, 3-6, 6-3, 6-4 in the final to win his second U.S. Open title and sixth Grand Slam singles title overall. The result also moved him back to world No. 1.

The final was the latest chapter in the Alcaraz-Sinner rivalry, which by that stage had come to define the top end of the ATP Tour. Between them, they had won the previous eight major titles, the longest two-player run in men’s singles since Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal combined for 11 straight between 2005 and 2007.

This final did not match the duration or tension of their five-set match at Roland-Garros earlier in the year, but it was a high-level contest that showed how narrow the margins are between them. Alcaraz was sharper from the start, took the opening set quickly, then re-established control after Sinner levelled the match in the second. In the fourth set, he broke for 3-2 and protected the advantage to the finish.

Statistically, Alcaraz’s performance was built on first-strike tennis. Against one of the best returners on tour, he hit 10 aces, committed no double faults, won 83 per cent of first-serve points, and lost serve only once. He was also effective moving forward, winning 20 of 27 net points.

Earlier in the event, Alcaraz had beaten Novak Djokovic 6-4, 7-6(4), 6-2 in the semifinals, a result that reversed losses to Djokovic at the Paris Olympics and the Australian Open earlier in the season. Sinner reached the final by defeating Felix Auger-Aliassime 6-1, 3-6, 6-3, 6-4.

Djokovic, despite being in the later phase of his career, still reached the semifinals of every major in 2025. Auger-Aliassime’s run also stood out, with wins over Alexander Zverev, Andrey Rublev and Alex de Minaur.

Among other men’s results, Lorenzo Musetti was outplayed by Sinner in the quarterfinals, Holger Rune lost to Jan-Lennard Struff, Ben Shelton retired injured against Adrian Mannarino, and Jack Draper defaulted in the second round because of a left arm injury.

Women’s singles: Sabalenka responds

Sabalenka defeated Amanda Anisimova 6-3, 7-6(3) in the final to win her second U.S. Open title. The match carried some weight beyond the trophy. Sabalenka had lost at key stages of the previous three majors: the Australian Open final, the French Open final and the Wimbledon semifinals. In New York, she closed the tournament without letting the title slip.

The final itself was competitive without becoming extended. Sabalenka was the steadier player for most of the first set, but the second became more complicated. Anisimova recovered from 3-5 down to level at 5-5, helped by a poor overhead from Sabalenka at 30-all in the 10th game. Even so, Sabalenka regained control in the tiebreak, extending what was reported as a run of 19 consecutive tiebreak wins, an Open Era record.

Sabalenka remained world No. 1 regardless of the result, but the title mattered in context. She had already established herself as the most consistent hard-court player in the women’s game; this run added the missing end product after earlier setbacks in 2025.

Anisimova’s tournament was one of the more important stories of the fortnight. She reached the final after defeating Iga Swiatek in the quarterfinals, a notable response after her heavy loss to Swiatek in the Wimbledon final, and then beating Naomi Osaka in a late-night semifinal, 6-7(4), 7-6(3), 6-3. It was her first U.S. Open final and a strong indication that she had moved into a different tier of consistency.

Osaka’s run was another significant subplot. Her win over Coco Gauff in the fourth round was one of the more consequential early matches in the women’s draw. Gauff, the 2023 champion, was still dealing with technical issues on serve and broader inconsistency after winning Roland-Garros earlier in the year. Osaka then beat Karolina Muchova in the quarterfinals before losing to Anisimova.

There was also a notable run from Venus Williams, who competed in her 25th U.S. Open and reached the women’s doubles quarterfinals with Leylah Fernandez.

The tournament ran from August 24 to September 7 at the USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center in New York, with Fan Week beginning on August 18. One off-court change of note was the introduction of a new mixed doubles format with a $1 million prize for the winning team, a significant increase that attracted wider attention.

The 2025 U.S. Open reinforced two existing themes. In the men’s game, Alcaraz and Sinner remained clearly ahead of the field, with Alcaraz taking the final step in New York. In the women’s event, Sabalenka converted consistency into another major title, while Anisimova and Osaka added depth to the season’s closing major. As a final Slam of the year, it offered clarity more than surprise.

US Open 2025 Day 14 Recap

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September 8, 2025

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The 2025 US Open concluded with a blockbuster men’s final at Flushing Meadows.

Novak Djokovic and Carlos Alcaraz met in a championship match that brought together consistency, athleticism and star power at the highest level. The final closed two weeks of high-level tennis in New York and provided a fitting end to the season’s last Grand Slam.

With champions crowned and several younger contenders strengthened by deep runs, the US Open ended with both clarity and momentum for the months ahead.